Samii Ryan's Blog
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When you light a candle for the first time, you see the flame grow and become massive. It is so powerful that the wax on the candle starts to melt. But what happens when you all of the sudden blow out the candle, and there is just an old black wick that once held such a beautiful flame. Can you relight the candle again and get the same flame?
Clearly I am not writing this blog to talk about candles, I am talking about relationships. If you have a relationship which starts with so much intenisty, love, passion, and lust then it all of the sudden stops. Can you rekindle those emotions and feelings back into that relationship? Maybe it wasn't good timing, maybe the other person wasn't ready for you, maybe you were too intense for one another. That is the question I am asking myself these days. Can you actually rekindle a relationship for the better?
I had a relationship during the summer time, which all I can describe was the most beautiful, intense, loving, and passionate feelings I've ever had towards someone. The relationship ended, and it wasn't because we did anything wrong, it was because within 2-3 weeks we were already in love, and I honestly don't think the other person in the relationship was ready for that kind of love. He told me that he got cold feet, and apologized several times for all the awful things he said to me.
But when you run into each other again after not seeing or speaking to each other in months and those feelings are still there what does that mean? Am I just in lust with the idea of being happy, am I just wanting to feel those feelings again with this person? I guess all I can really do is do my thing and see what happens. Before our relationship was long distance and really difficult. But now I am living in the same city, we have the ability to actually take it slow, get to know one another, learn about each other.
It is just SO weird starting off a relationshiop with so much intensity to a pause, and then trying to rekindle something you once had. This time I know that both of our walls are up, but the passion and emotions and feelings still exist in both of us. It is going slow, which is how relationships should start off. Can love actually change you, can you actually at some point not know how you feel?
So I guess the real question that I am about to find out the answer to is.. Can you relight a flame on a candle and still have it burn so bright or will there always be a black wick windling in the past.
Hey Love Bugs!
I know I say "I'm SO excited" about 50 thousands times in this video but I am literally so excited. HAHA! I am full of gratitude and pumped for everything. Right now I am staying in Studio City for a month for work! I have to say I love it here.
Be sure to follow The Bleached Niche!
Today I am doing a video talking about my opinion on sexual behavior and how it differs from gender. Also I am including my opinion on the "hook up" culture!! This one is a juicy one.. I may have went Gretchen Weiners on it.. but a girl has to get some things off her chest! DAMNNN. ;)
Finally you can find all these sex toys and many more at Hello Cheri! Check out their website and see what you can find to spice up your sex life. HELLO CHERI
Let me know your opinion on sexual behavior and how it differs among gender. Whatchu thinkkkk?
Thanks for watching and thank you for all the support!
Check out my blog The Bleached Niche
Via Nasty Gal.. so accurate I had to share.
While I was on the pier in St. Augustine I was staring at the water, the waves building up and releasing. Then BOOM it all hit me, like a sack of trucks that all rear ended one another, like full highway pile up. I had this ephipany about men. What I realized is that the men who are players, are the men who had a girl break their heart, and unfortunately they hold on to that pain. It seems to me like men hold onto that pain so deeply, it scares their insides, it throws a wall up around their heart and soul. I also then realized that I was one of the girls that also broke some guys heart, and I have dated men who have been heart broken by that one girl, and they will never be the same. And there is nothing you can do about it, nothing you can change about them. Because the past can influence your life today. In a good or bad way.
So let me give some specific examples of this ephipany I had while I was watching the waves crash down.. In the beginning of the year I dated this Sagittarious man. I was completely obsessed with this dude. It was right after a breakup so I needed someone to fill that void for me, and bring back those feelings of someone loving me and giving me attention. So as I was talking to this guy, we texted everyday, called me every day, facetimed me every day, for sure in my books- your dating. He even came to the East Coast from LA and we spent 4 days together. This Sagittarious man was a beautiful wounded soul. I knew how amazing he was, how much he went through, and I also knew how badly he got hurt by this one girl. He would share stories with me, and I would listen, I would let him vent, and then I would come back at him with something heart warming, and some words to boost him up. I think I said to him once, "Even though you went through something bad, you had good times, and you learned from that relationship.. so now you can grow and contribute those things you've learned into your next relationship." Okay, now point A heart broken wounded boy.. point B-- player player player. After he came to the East Coast he went radio silent and I soon found out that he was "talking" to 2 others girls including me at the same time.. Damn that hurt/sucked actually.
Next, there was this Cancer man I dated.. He was everything to me, I actually think I fell in love for the second time in my life.. But these days I am questioning if those feelings were even real or if I was just in lust with the idea of being in love. Anyway, let's get to this broken hearted man. He told me stories about this one girl that broke his heart, this one girl that he cried over. BOOM there it was! I should have realized the pattern that was taking place in my life. I was the girl who broke someones heart (I mean my heart was also shattered into pieces, so it's really not my fault) and now I was dating these heart broken men who vented to me, told me things, opened up to me... then just turned on me. So this Cancer man has an amazing personality he is just like my best friend, my sister and my Dad.. Life of the party, outgoing, heart of gold, soft on the inside, hard on the outside, and a bit controling. Ever since he had his heart broken by this one girl, maybe he doesn't even value what relationships are. Maybe they are just people to have fun with. He told me stories about how many girls he was with, and I heard stories too.. Which I should have stood back and realized this was a repeat offense I was dealing with. But when that one was over.. oh damn watch out pillow.. I cried for about a week, drove myself crazy for about 2 weeks, and I am in the process of trying to eliminate him from my life.
I think I ruined this Scorpio man that was in my life. Yes, we were together for quiet some time. But now I can see that he is turning into that Cancer, and Sagittarious man that I dated. Cold hearted towards women and relationships.. Just looking to have fun ad hook up, not really caring about matters with the heart. It's not that our relationship ended because of me.. we both split ways and went into different directions in our lives. I was extremely heart broken as well, but I think it wounded him more. Wounded him so deeply into his soul that he looks at women like they are ghosts and see's right through them.
Fortunately for me, I use Magick to bind these men from my hopeless romantic soul. I always wear my heart on my sleeve, as cheesey as it sounds.. But when I fall I fall hard, and falling out of love, or lust is probably the worst thing you ever experience. I binded my Sagittarious and Scorpio from me, and now I think the time has come to bind the Cancer. Jeesh I bind all these men from me, there are going to be none left for me to date!
Anyway, since I keep having these run ins with these men who have had their hearts broken in the past they are WALLS that I try to break down, and I try to fix them and build them back up. Mistake again.. So what do you think happens to the girls who get their hearts broken by men in their lives? Do you think we are just pathtic individuals who are so eager to find love again that we take any chance we have and leap on it?
Whose to say, all I know is that I had this ephipany while I was staring at waves build up and then crash and release into the surf. I am going to take that in a symbolic way. All these situations have built up in my wave I call Samii's Love Life.. and they just crashed down and have been released in the the Universe. We are all a little stronger than we think we are.
Or maybe I am just an overthinking psycho bitch.
I wanted to do a new makeup tutorial using this gorgeous new eyeshadow palette I got from Tarte Cosmetics. I am obsessed with browns for fall so I think this is a perfect look. It is especially good to bring out some lighter colored eyes.
Here are the products I used;
- Too Faced Chocoloate Soleil Bronzer
- Milani Bronzer
- Tarte Cosmetics Blush
- Laura Mercier Highlight
- Tarte Cosmetics Eyebrow Pot in Taupe
- Tarte Cosmetics Eyeshadow Palette
- Wet and Wild Liquid Eyeliner
- Rimmel London Lip Liner Eastend Snob
- NYX Dewy Finishing Spray
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